I broke 140 today! 139lbs ftw. I feel like I shouldn't be stepping on the scale every day, but it does allow me to track my progress and everything. That's almost ten pounds down just by being conscious of what I'm eating and when. Of course, there's still TONS of room for improvement, but I'm pretty stoked at the progress so far.

A Note About Life After Eating Disorders

The body never forgets.

I was eighteen years old and weighed just shy of 100lbs. In a life that seemed to be spinning rapidly more and more out of control, I needed something that I could control, and the food I ate (or didn't) was that thing. So I didn't. 

Now, my body remembers starving with a fear that runs deep in my bones. When I have to leave the house for long periods of time I'm constantly thinking and worrying about what I will eat and when, I pack far too much food for a day, and I worry. Working a five hour shift? Panic and gorge before hand. 

The slightest pang of hunger was cause for incredible stress to my mind and my body as a result I'm sure. 

Overcoming this fear is a long and slow process, but the beginnings of it are in place now. I still eat before a shift, but a lighter meal of healthy food instead of a burger and fries from the food court (which is oh so conveniently located right in front of the store I work at).